He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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