Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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