I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
