Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
