4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
