WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
