Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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