I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
