She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
