His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
