Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
