I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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