$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
