He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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