When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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