ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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