Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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