We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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