When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
