you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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