plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
