Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
