she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i dont even know how to be here
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
