first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we're making bets on your personal life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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