I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
