I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
