Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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