This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
