I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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