We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
