I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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