I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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