She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
