I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
