Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
