im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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