she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
