It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
