I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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