the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
