not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
