Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
