And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
