Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
