I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
