She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
