All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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