my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
