my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
