Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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