Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
